Reflections and an experience

 It’s been awhile. Life got really hectic and to be honest, it hasn’t slowed that much.

For a bit there I felt too busy to connect and I don’t think it would’ve been a good connection anyway if I had tried. I just had too much background noise to really focus and at I’m beginning to feel spirit come through again. It always seems like when the seasons change, things come into focus, I don’t know why that is but I noticed the trend.

I lost my grandfather last October and though I expected it, I still wasn’t ready. The days preceding were strange, I felt like I was preparing myself for it, even though at the time he was in OK health. I remember a day that I felt this immense sense of urgency and dread, it was so strong that I remember calling my sister, my mom and my mom in law to check and see if they were ok. I couldn’t figure out what was going on but I felt like something bad was happening. I didn’t learn until later in the day that my grandfather had a catastrophic accident in his home and was stuck in a position where he couldn’t get help. Things went downhill from there and I wish I was there at the time to just be there for him.

Ive always had a connection with him and I can sense him all the time, I smell his cigars, I can even sometimes hear his voice echo around me when I’m busy doing other things. I was sad when he passed but also relieved that he wasn’t in pain anymore. I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to say goodbye 2 days before he left this plane.

Lately I feel like a flood gate of emotion has come through and I can’t get it closed again. I feel myself getting emotional around the silliest and mundane things, I feel Raw emotionally and its making some things challenging on a daily basis. I’m very empathic but I thought I was at a place that I felt that I could comfortably close down if needed. I still feel Raw.

Now might be a good time to try to find that connection with spirit that I’ve backed up from now that most of my distractions have faded. Life is moving in the right direction for me so I have no complaints. 

Also, as I was reflecting on my previous entries, I neglected to put one in here. I had an occurrence late last year that stuck with me that I’d like to record before I lose the details.

I was at a vacant residence with a real estate agent working in the city and as I was working, I thought she was behind me because I glanced behind me to back up a bit and said something like, oh I’m sorry, for almost bumping into her because I caught her out the corner of my eye as I turned. You know the feeling of someone behind you staring, not in a disturbing way, I’m used to people watching me work. I then started up a conversation and glanced back again and noticed she wasn’t there anymore. What made me doubt myself at first was because I thought I heard her phone in a room on the other side of the house. So I stopped what I was doing and looked around and shouted to her, where are you? She answered back from across the house.

I was puzzled because there was no way she could’ve made it there that quick and especially without me seeing or hearing her with all the open doors she would have had to go through to get there. So I walked to her and questioned her about what had just happened and she gave me the typical look of confusion and worry. I explained that the person I saw was her height but I didn’t get a full description because I genuinely thought it was her. The house was locked behind us and no one else was present. She was scared and though I didn’t mean to frighten her, I needed to be sure for my own sake.

I’ve been wondering lately about ghosts vs spirits and still haven’t resolved my opinion on what’s what. Residual energy can and does exist, intelligent energy though-that exists as well but how do we categorize it? I know that if we can communicate in an objective or subjective way, they should also be able to manifest enough energy to move objects or create auditory phenomena. I struggle to understand this concept because I can’t fully explain everything but I don’t think it needs explanation. Just trust that this exists and it happens-that’s still difficult for my analytical mind.

Even though I can’t fully explain how the mechanics of mediumship works, I still trust that it happens and little is in our control. It’s an exercise of trust. I don’t think I would even fully believe in it if I wasn’t experiencing it for myself.