Validation journal, trauma and guides

 

What was your personal experience when you first suspected you might be a medium-consciously? I don't mean when you first saw a spirit, I mean when you had the realization that you witnessed survival of consciousness after death.

I recently started a validation journal under the advice of a friend because it's been so long since I've actively done any readings and I feared that I might not be ready to jump back in again after a year. I was finally gaining confidence and had to take a break (not of my choosing) because life just took a rough turn for awhile. I think I just needed reassurance that I wasn't alone and looking back at some of the things that have been happening lately, I now know I'm not. I've even noticed a person that's been kind of following me in random places, I'm not sure who they are but I rarely see spirit with my physical eyes, mostly just my minds eye and I've been seeing him around but just brief glimpses. He startled me the first time but I get a sense of calm whenever I spot him now.

At a time when I was questioning why I felt so alone during this rough period in my life, I got my validation today and just while I was thinking about how they could've abandoned me and why would they, I realized, they've been around. I've just been too busy and unable to quiet my mind enough to listen.

I had a trauma recently that I've had a real hard time dealing with and it forced me to be honest with myself and my husband. I nearly died in the hospital and in that short space of time, I didn't feel heard by the hospital staff who were supposed to be the ones trying to care for me. I felt like there was no sense of urgency in a situation where haste was not an option. I felt my consciousness and life slipping from me and the fear that accompanied that was overwhelming, not fear for my life but the fear of losing my family. It weighed on me for some time afterwards and I found myself crying nightly, trying to make sense of the situation while also reliving the trauma in silence. I didn't know where to put my emotions and kept my pain to myself, the weakness my body felt from a massive loss of blood was a daily reminder that couldn't be hidden. I could barely walk.

It's been a month since it happened and while my body has recovered, it's time to work out these complicated emotions and really give myself space to work through all that's happened in the past year. It's a culmination of a series of major life events that keep coming without pause. Hence, the feeling of abandonment from my guides and from spirit.

I heard someone say something that really made me see things in a different light. They said that if you think of your guides as a teacher, someone that can assist you, teach you, guide you on your path, they're always there for you. When it's time to take a test, they can't give you the answers or help you...but they're still in the room with you. You have to take that test on your own and work through it.

I know I digress a lot but it helps me work through my own issues so I can come back and know that even though it might've seemed like a giant hurdle at the time, I got through it. Sometimes with grace. 

I'll be speaking more about guides in my next entry, I wanted to write down my thoughts while fresh and though I've only told a couple people about my recent trauma, writing it down really helps. I didn't add detail on purpose because honestly, it feels like a raw wound emotionally still and I don't want to put my energy into reliving that now.

On a random note, I find it absolutely fascinating how when you have a memory, you see yourself in third person as if watching a movie but when dreaming, it's almost always first person. At least for me.